A whine from Das Korkenmeister!

[Korky]

Mornin' Everyone

Had a nasty fall while walking with a couple of mates a few days ago. I'm now nursing some VERY painful ribs and I'm being held together with the Co Codomol that my doc's prescribed. It hurts when I laugh, it hurts when I sneeze, it hurts when I cough and I can't even have a good fart without pain in my chest and side.

We should have been staying with friends in Shropshire for most of the coming week, but it's had to be cancelled. Understandably, I'm grumpy, I have little patience and I'm very, very p*ssed off.

I'll be back when I'm feeling better, but meanwhile, don't send me flowers, grapes, Haribo sweets or Lucozade. Especially bloody Lucozade!

Must dash, Matron is coming in at 10:30 to change my dressing - she gave me a bed bath last night, went loopy with a pumice stone and took three layers of skin off my left buttock.

Korky

Rye - I've read your PM - let's arrange summat for when I'm back to normal. I'll be in touch!

[Denis]

Ouch!....ok ok, no grapes or lucozade but best wishes anyway from one broken old fart to another!

[kev7d]

Oh dear.  

[Guest]

wishing you a speedy recovery from me and er inddors

[FUJI]

Oh Dear Korks.....so sorry about all that.....I know all about falling until it hurts.

There is no alternative but to give in to your current pain.....make the most of the time, as and when you feel up to it.... time to sort out the millions of photographs on your hard-drives.

Thinking on.....you have one heck of a way to fall even when standing on flat ground don’t you?.... A couple of pairs of Skate-Boarder’s elbows and knees protectors could be the answer in future.....don’t forget the matching helmet though.....look raight graedly tha’ will lad. ?

FUJI

[Clicker]

There's no alternative to rest and a sedentary lifestyle to combat cracked or bruised ribs  I'm afraid  Korks ...   Extra  care required when walking  in the future. ... a broken leg or hip will really give you  even more grief.. take care young man ... and do as her indoors tells ya !

 

[Kobione]

Not sending any pressies Korky, except virtual pain relief!! Rest easy, don't bang your head on a brick wall because you are bored, that only makes things worse!! Heal well and heal soon.

[Black Pearl]

You need some sea air and a week of stiff upper lip morning constitutions. I hear Bexhill-on-Sea is rather decent but watch out for elephants and batter puddings.

[Korky]

2 hours ago, Black Pearl said:

You need some sea air and a week of stiff upper lip morning constitutions. I hear Bexhill-on-Sea is rather decent but watch out for elephants and batter puddings.

You on drugs?

[johntwo]

4 hours ago, Black Pearl said:

You need some sea air and a week of stiff upper lip morning constitutions. I hear Bexhill-on-Sea is rather decent but watch out for elephants and batter puddings.

Elephant and batter pudding?  Is that like toad in the hole only on a bigger plate?

[Korky]

Careful with this one, chums, we're in danger of a spot of banter and humour here.

And you all know what happened the last time we had an outbreak........ Phil laughed for the first time in seventeen years, cracked two ribs and had to be admitted to the Rolf Harris wing of Goole General. He became delirious once the drugs were administered and made an improper suggestion to the lady who brings round the afternoon tea trolley. She was so incensed that she smacked Phil with a bed pan and had to be restrained until the police arrived.

Laughing is OK I suppose, but when it results in twenty-two stitches and forty-five hours community service.........

Just remember...... you're playing with fire!

Korky

[Black Pearl]

The English Channel 1941. Across the silent strip of green-grey water - in England - coastal towns were deserted, except for people. Despite the threat of invasion and the stringent blackout rules, elderly gentlefolk of Bexhill-on-Sea still took their evening constitutionals.

[Clicker]

I think Elephants were out of season so you couldn't hunt them...Prompting those immortal lines

Oh Dear ...does that mean we'll have to have Pelican  for dinner "... Gawd  that takes me back Beepy.. I loved the Goon show ...

[Black Pearl]

Not too loud Polly, they’ll hear you. 

[Clicker]

It's very dark here ....shall I light a match ?

[FUJI]

‘Eeees......Fallen in the waaater.......

[Clicker]

 

Gosh ... I suddenly feel very very old .....as memories of being entertained by a spotty Minnie Bannister on Sunday radio  come flooding back !

 

Well I hope all this merriment hasn't resulted in too much pain from the guffaws it may have invoked for you Lord  K ... but it has been a trip down memory lane .   I hope your enforced convalescence doesn't result in you becoming a crotchety old fogey.......  get well soon ... xx  

 

 

[FUJI]