The story that never ends...

[FUJI]

Meal...........Yorkshire puddings, Eccles Cakes, Auntie Bessie's Cream Horns.......the Works!

Now stuffed to bursting, spirit George discovers that he cannot float as spirits should, but can only bob along the ground  like a forgotten party balloon........Poor late George, rejected by Clara and then stuffed by Walter, he bobs along the gutter until the council road sweeper grabs him with revolving bristles then sucks him into oblivion......meanwhile big  Walter and Clara are.............

[Korky]

discussing whether or not to sell their clogs on eBay and take up show biz. The world famous Slatterthwaite's Circus is in town and they're looking for folk who can train.......

[FUJI]

Lancashire folk to make proper Yorkshire Puddings, whilst balancing a Lancashire version with a soggy bottom on a swaying Pole.......the Pole, by the way hails from Cracow, he..............

[Black Pearl]

Lost his eye in a fight with a pigeon fancier from Northallerton who took exception to the bird plumage pinned to his 

[Korky]

loves nothing better than to pluck pheasants.

FADE TO BLACK

It's 10pm in Middle Nethertonwick Country and Western Club and the star of the night is about to take the stage. It's the man to make the ladies swoon, it's the one and the only Earl Sterndale. The crowd goes wild as Earl starts his first number, but then TWANG.............

[Phil]

...one brace gives way, then TWANG, the second lets go. Earl is suddenly stood on the stage with his manhood in clear view in the strategically placed spot light. Being not only a pheasant plucker, but a pheasant plucker's son, the very resourceful Earl...

[FUJI]

Instead of the Velcro fasteners of his bobble Lycra Y fronts releasing teasingly one at a time......TWANG!.....and the whole lot go at once ......exposing his...............

[ChrisLumix]

...hairy bobbles. Yes, that's right, he was wearing gooseberries instead of a fig leaf. This apparently is the custom in Middle Nethertonwick, where gooseberries are traditionally also used to ..... 

[Black Pearl]

Protect your own gooseberries during the annual cheese rolling competition and then used to enrich the sauce used to pour over...

[Korky]

I'm calling a time out here - just until whatever it is that you buggers have been drinking / smoking this evening has got time to wear off.

I realise this is Phoenix's thread, but she's currently playing the jolly swag-woman and camping by a billabong under the shade of a coolibah tree and can't be disturbed.

 

[FUJI]

FADE TO BLACK..........

The day is coming to a close, the Bilabong is all of a rustle with Ozzy wildlife readying for another refresher of a cool night, the Billy is hissing, it's lid bobbing and clicking as the steam escapes as it boils, releasing heady odours of the Roo Stoo she carefully prepared after reading the Cocodile Dundee Bushtucker Cook Book.

She has abandoned the novel about life in the UK, the upstairs/downstairs world of Korking Hall and the goings on at the    Pie Factory welfare hall, the strip tease chapter had tickled her fancy..........she rose from the flames of the camp fire ( as Pheonixes are wont to do) to see if Sport her faithful pal would help her tie her Roo down in the Bush.......at that moment, her thoughts were rudely interrupted  by..........

[FUJI]

Te ta ta te ta ....te ta ta te ta......the faint strains of Waltzing Matilda could be just heard in the distance, the Ring Pulls dangling from the rim of her wide brimmed hat jangled quietly in time to the refrain. Who could be blowing his Digeree at this time of night she thought......then a half smile flickered on her lips as sh recalled her wild time with big Rock Ayres the sheep shear who had...........

[Phoenix]

trained all the local cicadas to hum romantic tunes about love under the Southern Cross'. Yes indeed I loved him until......

(P.S. yes you are all very sick puppies, or enjoying a smoko or 2)

[ChrisLumix]

...Banjo Patterson came on the scene and rudely interrupted her reverie. "Hoy Sheila", he remonstrated, "I've started a comic epic pome about a group of photographers in England who run something mysterious called a 'forum'. Like to hear the story so far?" She groaned inwardly and...

[Black Pearl]

Wondered if life would have been better if she'd stayed living with the kangaroos in the outback who had raised her when the circus she'd been born into had abandoned her for eating all the mice, still she always had....

[ChrisLumix]

...a couple of dead gerbils she'd been keeping in her pocket for years, just in case she was peckish, so she...

[FUJI]

Put them quickly back into her Tucker Pouch because she heard someone approaching........now Pheonix is a shy creature so she hid behind a Gum Tree to see who it was. Swinging along, without a care in the world was Adie Lade, an old mucker our Pheo had been at School with........Pheo was about to  jump out to greet her when she heard another familiar voice belonging to none other than Sydney Oprah Hof......a slightly dotty figure, who kept an unusuall large Wombat in his trousers. 

Pheo, popped out from behind her gum tree hiding place shouting...........

 

[ChrisLumix]

...."I'll swap your wombat for two gerbils - still quite fresh, only seven years old!" Sydney sneered, and in his laconic way, replied...

[Clicker]

.....No Thanks .. I think I'm  a bit depressed...jeez  did  yer see the Wallabies only just making it home after being slapped around by those blokes who wear skirts sometimes? I don't know about you but I've  lost  my  appetite  since learning that....

[FUJI]

 

Them limey's drink something they call Yorkshire Tea......just cooked me tucker with Adelaide, we whacked one o them Long lizardy thingies, then bonged it in the Billy ter boil with a couple of koalas and a dash of Ozzy Plonker's best brew" .......HEY! Yer got a tinny mate, I've got my second thirst, an I'm bustin' for a...................

Edited October 20, 2015 by FUJI

[FUJI]

Litre or two................

........As he sings as he sups, ......Watzing Matilda, Walzing Matilda........then, after a short while, he exclaims......JEEZ! It's too darn quiet here..........Where is everybody?.........if nobody joins us soon we'll be reported as lost in the Bush, and that'll be .......another story.......

He continues to hum.....( he hasn't washed for a month) .....then all of a sudden....

[Korky]

overcome by the beer, he drifts into a deep, deep sleep and begins to dream the kind of dream that only dreamy dreamers dream.

It's snowing, it's Christmas and he's wandering the streets of Newcastle upon Tyne. People are speaking in strange accents and faces are not friendly. He looks down and there, in the gutter, he spots a large, red...........

[ChrisLumix]

....bottle of Newcastle Brown.  "Odd", he thinks, in that bizarre way of thinking that occurs only in dreams, "How can brown be red? This is something I must reflect on some more." At that moment a large bus drives right through a mound of slush and soaks him right to the...

[FUJI]

Core, his light cotton knee length Ozzy shorts are just not right for being splashed with icy slush, so still sloshed he slips and slides into Slattery's the Irish Bar, where ( slovenly) in his Green waistcoat Slattery himself, is awaiting his first customer.........Begorrah! and Be-Jasus! He exclaims, where are you after blowing in from, ye look all of a ............

[Korky]

fluster. Here, sit down and I'll make you a.....