The story that never ends...

[Korky]

to Phil's pink pumps. Splat! Blood trickled from the cat's left ear. Just then, another figure emerged from the gloom of the abattoir entrance (the abattoir sits next door to Patel's Emporium). It was Norman P Witherslack, all-round good guy, vegan activist and RSPCA inspector. Norman's gaze fixed on the kitten and he began to........

[ChrisLumix]

splutter and cough. "That's Mrs Slocombe's, if I'm not mistaken, and you will have to pay a terrible price if it's hurt in any way. I'll be back in a mo - I have to finish my inspection of the abattoir : they've got pigs in there that you wouldn't..."

[FUJI]

Believe........fed on nothing but Custard Creams, the pigs are utterly obese......." CUSTARD CREAMS" ....screams pinky pumped Phil......."CUSTARD CREAMS!" ........" So that's where they've all been going?" .......he buries his head in his hands sobbing......Mrs Patel  immediately ......

[Korky]

faints.

FADE TO BLACK

BELINDA'S KITCHEN. IT'S MORNING AND THE SUN IS STREAMING THROUGH THE WINDOW. BELINDA IS SINGING.

Oh what a beautiful morning - Oh what a beautiful day - I've got a wonderful feeling, everything's going my way....... Phil appears in the doorway, his Y-Fronts are badly stained and his pumps are covered in blood. He smiles weakly and says............

 

[FUJI]

" Look lass I've ruined me Jammy Dodgers, ripped me Hob Knobs and me Scottish Sortcake.......mek us a cuppa an find us a Custard Cream...........he falls exhausted into the dog basket when............

[FUJI]

Shows Belinda how good he is at playing Chopsticks on a comb and paper, then he admits that he was telling white lies,  and that his ancestors were .............

[Korky]

actually the founders of the Gingerbread Men, a strange religious cult whose sworn mission is to eliminate the custard cream and all its followers. 'We will take over the world' screamed Nippon Sam, before grabbing Phil by the.....

[FUJI]

Ginger Nuts...........................the packet ripped open, the contents were strewn all over the best shag pile....

"CRUMBS!".....

cried Phil as they  fought hand to hand, wrestling back and forth...................when all of a sudden.....................

Edited September 30, 2015 by FUJI

[FUJI]

.....drops to the ground in a dead faint............much later he wakes up in a cobweb covered dusty room, sunbeams make patterns in the dusty atmosphere there is a distinct smell of .............

Edited September 30, 2015 by FUJI

[FUJI]

Then, an absolute look of horror crosses his face........he realises he is captive in .....Korky Towers......in the clutches of that mad Lancashire Hot Pot and his Housfrau........too late!........he spots Matron who is about to............

[ChrisLumix]

attempt a kung-fu kick. Unfortunately, like PJ Proby before him, Phil splits his trousers and two ginger nuts fall out. "Aaargh, you swine" screams...

Edited September 30, 2015 by ChrisLumix

[FUJI]

"CUSTARD CREAMS! CUSTARD CREAMS!" ....he screams,..........screams that can be heard as far away as Pendle.........Korky stuffs his stash of Custard Creams into his pillow where he keeps a torch and mucky magazines ....he rushes in to see poor Phil........

[FUJI]

Being dragged by Mrs Patels................

[CanonChrissy]

To the library to see if he can find "Mary Berry's Best British Biscuit Book" so he can.......

[Korky]

rip it to bits because he bloody well hates custard creams if truth be told. And cats! 

FADE TO BLACK

Back in the real world, it's morning in Phil's sexy, fur-lined man cave and he's just awakening from a terrible, terrible dream. The biscuits and Patel's Emporium have been the product of a sick mind and he knows not why. Sod it anyways.

Shrugging off the horrors of the night, Phil slides himself into his Spandex suit. Yes, it's time to............. 

[CanonChrissy]

Do his John Travolta Saturday Night Spectacular  for his cats.....

[FUJI]

In front of the large Bay window, because he knows that Mrs ....................

[Korky]

Clickerina will be training her binoculars directly on his cheeky little.....

[FUJI]

TINKLE.....................................his favourite kitty; in the meantime Phil's butler enters with a note borne on a silver salver, Phil dismisses Claud then reads the note which informs him that......

[ChrisLumix]

...the cats take great exception to his version of "Skinning Alive" and "How Deep Is Your Flea" and "Bite Fever", and if he doesn't stop his John Travolta tood suite, they are going to...

[Phoenix]

Phil, a little short of cash after paying the tow truck man, decided to dig for the money under the pigeon loft. After 2 hours of digging he found....

[FUJI]

........ nothing but guano and feathers.........rivers of perspiration blinded him, his back ached and splinters from his  shovel handle stung like mad.........then out of the corner of his eye he spotted a...........

[FUJI]

.........there in front of him, was a note from Korky saying..................

[Korky]

I'm being held hostage in a jam factory in Goole and evil people are about to force me into becoming a male lap dancer.

If you can help me, you should.........

 

 

 

 

[FUJI]

........inform Jam Factory Security...The Jammy Dodger's...that poor Korky is being held hostage, and that he doesn't really want to be a lap dancer but he will do anything else for just a ......................